Instead of a laundry list of goals or resolutions, I want to focus on one word during 2019. And that word is steadfast. With my faith, with my health, with my relationships and with my own personal goals, I want to adopt a steadfast attitude towards all that is most important to me.

What does it mean?

I probably should start by defining what I mean by steadfastness. According to Oxford Living Dictionaries, steadfast is defined as: Resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering. Synonyms for the word include faithful, devoted, loyal, dedicated and committed.

When I think of steadfastness in a person, I picture someone who stays focused on their commitments or priorities no matter what obstacles befall them. They learn to control their fickle emotions and resist temptations in order to stay focused on their priorities.

As a Christian, this concept is very important to me because the Bible describes God as being the ultimate example of steadfastness. Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." Psalm 145:8 says, "The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." And when faced with the temptation to either walk away and save himself, or stick to his mission and die for our sins, Jesus Christ chose to endure the cross and all its shame knowing exactly how it would end (Hebrews 12:2). For Him, choosing to be steadfast involved an epic sacrifice, but led to epic reward for all who turn to Him. Understanding this truth is the reason why I want to become a steadfast woman.

Why do I care?

Not only do I want to be steadfast as a way to grow closer to God, but I also see the real and practical value of steadfastness in my daily life.

As someone who admittedly struggles with commitment, I have a particularly hard time remaining steadfast in many areas of my life. From following through with a blog post deadline to keeping commitments with friends or church, I am notorious for finding little excuses or justifications to waver in my commitments. I never look at these excuses as betrayals of my faithfulness in those moments, but after some time my word becomes less and less meaningful even to my own ears. Usually it starts small, with legitimate reasons to not follow through, but eventually this can leave me feeling disconnected and even hurt those I care about.

What starts out as a few missed deadlines and obligations can eventually lead to missing a whole window of opportunity and never getting that chance again. I’m not saying that I shouldn’t miss anything ever again (that's obviously unrealistic, especially with my lingering illness.) Instead I want to continuously prioritize my commitments, despite setbacks, and not allow mistakes in that area to discourage me from continuing to try.

Where do I want to apply this?

The main areas of my life that I want to intentionally practice steadfastness are with my faith, health, personal time, and relationships.

In my faith, I want to commit to daily quality time with God through Bible study, prayer, and journaling. One of my goals is to serve at my church more often, hopefully by providing student ministry for middle schoolers (as my health allows). I want to faithfully be there for those who need my help, even when it’s inconvenient or difficult for me. I truly desire to experience the beauty and reward that comes from committing myself to a cause, despite its challenges.

Steadfastness in my health involves pushing myself both physically and mentally. Though I am halfway through my treatment protocol, I continue to battle symptoms daily. I want to be dutifully firm in my responsibilities regarding treatment, diet and exercise. The only person who can really make a difference in my healing journey is me. I alone make the choice to follow through on my protocol and put my best efforts in or not.

I also desire to be more steadfast in the use of my personal time. As my health hopefully continues to improve, I want to use my time efficiently and wisely. The biggest challenge here continues to be the unpredictability of my symptoms that fluctuate throughout a day. But I want to be steadfast in my writing, reading and using the best ways I can to be productive and fruitful. This means staying on course when I'm discouraged or exhausted and being faithful to work hard at what I can do.

Probably the biggest area of my life that I long to be steadfast in is my relationships. With friends, family and romantic relationships, I struggle with being truly faithful and firmly loyal at times. When life presents unexpected challenges and disappointments, it is difficult to truly be committed. Not that I think about abandoning those I care about, but it can be tempting for me to choose to check out emotionally rather than truly embrace and stand through the sometimes uncomfortable realities that can occur. Sometimes it's easier to distance myself and back away rather than have an uncomfortable conversation with a friend or family member, even though I know that doing so would be the most truly loving thing to do.

I realize that being a faithful friend means you are committed to not just checking in once in a while, but continuing to invest your emotions into that person. Being a faithful family member doesn't simply mean behaving well and doing your part, but being willing to work at finding healthy balances that are best for those relationships even if that takes work to establish. And being a devoted girlfriend doesn't mean just riding alongside of your partner, but continuing to prioritize them and invest yourself in their wellbeing every day, even when it's not convenient or easy to do so.

Even as I write these thoughts out, I realize how difficult this is to apply. And that is why I set it as a goal, something I want to slowly but surely get better at. I realize that I will never be perfectly steadfast. But I do want to value steadfastness as an absolute priority. I truly believe that only by God's grace and continued learning will I begin to grow in steadfastness, but it is a journey I am very excited to embrace.