Best Books for Relationship Guidance
Relationships, whether romantic, familial or friendship, can be just plain difficult sometimes. In this post I recommend some of the most helpful and transformative books I've read on relationships.
These books have helped me with communication, expectations, deeper connection and healthier emotional health in relationships overall. Some can be applied to any relationship and others are more focused on dating and marriage. The wisdom and insight these books provide are invaluable for any season of life, and as many counselors would say, it's never too soon to start learning!
Whether you are single, casually dating, in a relationship, engaged or married, these books can benefit you a ton!
1.) How We Love
Warning: lots of insight, honesty and vulnerability required to really reap the benefits of this book. This book will walk you through five common styles of how we are imprinted to love people from our earliest childhood experiences.
This book digs into Attachment Theory, and explains how the ways we received or did not receive comfort as a child impacts how we relate to others in future relationships.. You will learn which imprint style you developed from your childhood (pleaser, avoider, vacillator, controller, victim or secure connector) and therefore identify certain triggers you experience in current relationships. Identifying your triggers, as well as your partner's or others close to you, is absolutely key to deeper empathy, intimacy and ultimate health in relationships.
How We Love, Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage--Milan and Kay Yercovitch
2.) The Five Love Languages
This book has been quite popular for a while and I completely understand why. We all eventually learn that despite our best intentions, sometimes our efforts to love someone aren't received in the way we intend. Whether in our families, friendships or romantic relationships, identifying the ways you and those closest to you receive is an absolute gateway to deeper connection.
This book will walk you through all the five love languages and unpack their significance. These languages are: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch. While all of these expressions of love are important, most people have a top two that speak to them the most. Mine are quality time and gifts.
You take a quiz online to discover what your top languages may be as a start!
The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts--Gary Chapman
3.) The Meaning of Marriage
Though this book exclusively focuses on marriage, I highly encourage anyone to read it. These days it is increasingly difficult to believe in marriage. With so many broken families, broken hearts, abuse, emotional toxicity and just mundanely miserable marriages, a "happy" marriage can seem like a pipe dream.
This book changed my entire perception of marriage. Loaded with statistics, stories and theological truths, Tim Keller managed to touch even my disillusioned heart with the hope that marriage can be a beautiful thing. Honing in on unhealthy expectations and confusion of what marriage really is, Keller gets to the root purpose of marriage that accounts for the difficulties and pains that may come into play.
I highly encourage anyone struggling to believe in marriage or desiring marriage to read this book!
The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God--Tim Keller
4.) For Women Only/For Men Only
I literally read For Women Only in almost one sitting. Packed with survey-backed research from thousands of married men, this book opened my mind to the inner desires, fears and insecurities of men in a profound way. From performance at work, to the importance of respect and sex, as well as deep insecurities with romance and the underlying struggles of being visual, I now understand so much more of how men view experience and view these weighty topics.
I highly recommend this book to any women, or the female counterpart to any man, who desperately wants to grow in understanding and supporting the men or women around them, especially in romantic relationships. This book is a humbling reminder the we truly don't know everything about the opposite sex and we definitely cannot impose our own assumptions and perspectives on them.
For Women Only, What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men--Shaunti Feldhahn
Hello, World!
5.) The Sacred Search
This is a great resource for singles looking to date and marry well. Filled with insightful and practical tips, Gary Thomas gives significant food for thought when considering whom to marry. As a counselor and pastor who has seen marriages based on passion or sexual/physical chemistry crash and burn one too many times, he challenges readers to prioritize quality character, shared core values and spiritual/emotional health in a future mate. I highly encourage it!
The Sacred Search, What If It's Not About Who You Marry, But Why?--Gary Thomas
Well, that's a wrap! I'd love to know what other books would be great to add on this list, as I am always up for learning more. Happy reading!
