Long time no talk! Honestly, I have started several blog drafts over the past few months but for one reason or another they just didn't feel "good" enough to share. The biggest challenge keeping from blogging consistently hasn't been for scarcity of ideas, time or resources--but a deeper lack of confidence and motivation.

I often doubted whether my posts were interesting or unique or thoughtful enough, and therefore didn't see the point in going through with them at all. It's this all or nothing mentality. There is nothing wrong with wanting to create quality content, but when that good desire leads to a constant doubt that anything is worthy, it becomes paralyzing. It's a sneaky trap...but alas, that is where I have been.

To be honest I wasn't even sure if I was going to continue with this blog. So much time has passed that I figured it was too late and not even worth trying anymore. Do you know what changed my mind? It wasn't inner inspirations ripping to the surface, or a firm decision to roll up my sleeves and just go for it. It was actually a conversation with a close friend. Followed by another one with another close friend. They reminded me that someone noticed and even cared about what I had to say, even if it was just a simple life update. Most of all, they reminded me to blog as a way to continue doing what I love most--writing.

My friends were spot on. I needed to remember the reason I started this blog. Sure I want to share my art and leave room for spontaneity, but what I wanted to do most from the start is to simply share my heart.

Where I'm At..

So where do I start? My health? What I've been doing? What I've been learning? What's been challenging or frightening? What's been rewarding and fulfilling?

Before I can touch on any other areas of my life, I have to start with the spiritual foundations beneath those lessons and share what God has been teaching me. Because I really can't authentically share my heart if I can't share the most important part of my life.

One thing I am extremely grateful growth in my personal prayer life. It's taken a lot of discipline, patience, dedication and commitment, but I have truly started learning how to enjoy daily prayer. This is actually a pretty big deal. Ever since I've come to faith, I've had a deep hunger for reading Scripture, commentaries, books and doing Bible studies. But when it comes to prayer it's always been a struggle. I never felt like I knew how to engage my heart with God without getting distracted.

Two things really helped me in this area. One, is the book Prayer, by Tim Keller. Prayer gives such insightful and practical guidelines for personal prayer. One habit I now apply is intentionally starting my prayers with adoration rather than starting with my laundry list of needs and requests. When I start my prayers by praising God for who He is and what He has done, it is easier to align my heart with His. This allows me to better trust Him with my needs and gives me the lightness of heart that comes from choosing to leave my needs in His capable hands.

The other thing that has helped my prayer life immensely is keeping a specific prayer binder (it' small and cute). I took this idea from a mentor, but essentially I have categories for different prayer requests, answered prayers, prayer prompts and scriptures I want to pray through. Using this binder keeps me organized during prayer and reminds me to pray for people or through scriptures that I otherwise would forget to. My favorite part of using the binder is keeping track of answered prayers. It's amazing to look back and see how God has answered specific prayer requests. Without recording answered prayers, I am quicker to forget how God has come through for me or others in the past, and am therefore quicker to worry and doubt Him in the future. I highly recommend this discipline for anyone struggling in their prayer life.

The reason why I share this isn't to nerd out spiritually (though I would gladly do that) but to share how this specific growth in prayer has kept me going through the continued challenge of healing from chronic Lyme Disease while trying to balance daily life and relationships. While I don't have time (or room) right now to get into all of the areas where I've experienced growth or challenge, I do want to touch on my health.

One of the biggest answers to prayer in that area has been discovering a new, relatively local Lyme Literate doctor. Switching doctors meant switching treatment protocols. I had trust this new doctor, who has stunning reviews and patient testimonies, enough to turn completely from the treatment protocol I had been using for a year and a half to embrace whatever he would have for me. The results have been incredible.

I no longer have to take a chemistry set of herbs, fistful of supplements and cocktail of antibiotics each day (which saves a ton of money). What I do now is called the Byron White Protocol. Basically I put several drops of an herb under my tongue each day for a minute and swallow. That's it. It's not the tastiest, but it's easy to keep track of and very effective. Of course I supplement this treatment with a detox protocol to make sure that the toxins are being flushed out.

I can't tell you how much easier, quicker and more effective this protocol has been. I have increased physical stamina, my walking is back to normal and I have way less overall pain. My biggest symptoms continue to be general fatigue, continued physical limitations (despite significant improvements) and a decent amount of neurological issues (brain fog/cognitive/mood issues). But I'm so grateful for the tangible improvements I've noticed even just over the past few months. For the first time in my entire treatment process I actually have peace of mind that I'm on the right track.

As I wrap up this post I want to sincerely thank everyone that's encouraged me to keep writing and blogging. You don't realize how your words have motivated me to push past my doubts and keep going. I am appreciative for all of you and plan to continue writing regularly!